Her Story

 

Grief

 grief is so intrusive and personal to one that, seldom it leaves me devastated

 a young woman grieving over a lost relationship,

 an adult grieving over a financial loss,

 an old adult grieving over losing their spouse,

an old aged human grieving over ravages of time

 

Perhaps I choose to talk about her story, the story of a young woman, lamenting for time and again over the lost essence of her relationship, SiSi.

SiSi was just a teenager when she realized an acquaintance with GiGi was turning into just more than that. It is as weird as the 2 am texts and 4 am drunk calls to someone nowadays. Like every other teenager, Sisi got attracted to the inadequate attention and dingy gestures by GiGi. They both used to go to school together on the same school bus and that's how things started. Young Sisi now started reserving a seat for her boyfriend GiGi, letting him enter her la la land love stories. As days passed, SiSi and GiGi started going out for lunches at the cafeteria and fell in love with each other so much so that they could promise the world to each other no matter what. On the other hand, SiSi was a beautiful, little, gossip queen, her GiGi, short-tempered, controlling, and demanding. She would succumb to all his demands and in turn, was misemployed, maltreated, and misused. His ruthless actions injured her day by day, mentally, emotionally, and physically. She, new to the world of romance, believed that this was all merely a part of their relationship. As school ended, the school bus ended, she realized as a mature young lady, that she was going wrong, that GiGi was wrong, and took a decision to redirect their relationship. After a bazillion failed attempts towards modifying Gigi’s behavior and their relationship. She gave up, decided to depart, to flee away from a relationship of 3 years that was getting onto her nerves now. Being obsessed with SiSi, GiGi didn’t let go of her, for it had become a daily routine to him. It’s been 6 years now, she feels trapped in this hurdle called a relationship, she finds herself locked up in a room with no windows throwing in sunlight, the light of hope, the light of happiness. For she has left it over to a rainy day!

promises. trust. communication. intimacy. are all alien to her.

denial. skepticism. abuse. force. are all native to her.

And that’s her story!

For she, wanted to engrave their names into the sand before the sea waters hugged and drifted it away.

For he, just wasn't listening to her story, neither did he wish to do so any soon?

2 am thoughts

 

2 am thoughts

I owe it to the wet pillow nights,

It appears that, When nothing else worked, I made peace with the fact of not being able to make peace with certain situations. And I think that's working out in my case!

 

 TIME.

 time is supposed to heal everything, at least that’s what I’ve heard from most of ‘em but in my case why does time always have to be this ugly?

 can we fix it?

 or let’s face it, can we fix anything here?

 

ARRIVAL / DEPARTURE.

A relationship is a state of being connected with another person, share mutual affection, the conviviality of a human with one another.

Lucky are those, to achieve the essence of relationships in its true sense, to be able to have found relationships in its true sense, to be able to enjoy it.

Talking of my life I like to give importance to the “other” person in any relationship I share, be it friendship, a love relationship, or simply with parents or siblings. I love being in the space wherein I do things as the others want it to be done; For instance, I like having food of the other person's type, I like to watch movies as liked by others, I like having drinks as the other person likes it. In fact, I adapt to the situations, and sooner or later, their likes and dislikes are no different to mine, I simply like being this person and giving the sense of responsibility to make decisions for me to the "other" person in the relationships I share with people around me respectively but, what I only don’t like is when the person suddenly decide to not be with me!

 Departuring, leaving the special bond behind, leaving the relationship, leaving the situation. Some intentionally while others, unintentionally. Some temporarily while others permanently.

 The more I hate this emotion is the more I'm getting the chance to experience it with different people day by day, trust me the number is just incredibly increasing.

 

 yes! leave is how one would label it to be,

 it shatters me, to the bottom of my heart to even type this word out, it makes my hands shiver, stomach giggle, and goosebumps tickle, imagine for me to experience it, it’s the worst sense of emotion to experience. Obnoxious

 

No sympathies intended I know myself, not an easy person to be with at all, but come on, everybody has their ups and downs, lows and highs; does that mean you only get one option of leaving? Departure.

Adding on to the problems is the situation I land into worse than experiencing the emotion of going away from a person, is the opportunity to not find a way out.

Giving you a little personality insight; I possess a need to control my surroundings.

And therefore, this is the worst punishment to this overthinker girl.

Given the situational hurdle and my extraordinary skills of overthinking, I’m currently obsessed with the question of solution.

 

Being the kind of person who hates to give up, even in life-threatening situations, I finally have a solution to it after ages, after ages of self-doubting, self-grief, self-isolation, self-distraction.

 

ESCAPE-

“a form of a temporary distraction from reality or routine”, As the google guru describes it.

For me, escape is my temporary survival, my best of friends, my savior.

A virtual learner

 

In the future, I’d prefer a physical classroom over online classes ANYDAY

No doubt I can learn at my comfort, laying in my bed at a click right now but I just don’t like it, online teaching has made me lose the teacher-student bond I enjoyed having, it has made me disconnect with the term “education” and the relevance it held in my life.

Online teaching just sounds uninteresting to me now, quite honestly, I miss the physical setting of learning which we were exposed to, wherein I had my hands on information being taught, wherein I was serious, attentive and, ardent to learn.  And now whenever I hear online classes I sense a kind of laziness in my attitude which leads to being inattentive in class. it has made me lethargic and has developed a kind of attitude I don’t like having in me. I agree that we do have alternatives to each and everything but I feel like I’ve lost it all to this virtual world.

I wasn’t the sincerest kid of the class ever, but I loved the process called learning, where we were lowkey allowed to crack jokes for good, ask all the unnecessary doubts to our teachers. And to the days where teachers practiced different modes to teach us weird concepts, sometimes in the ground under the sun in chilly winters while others on a walk to the campus garden.

For a fact, students learn at the face value of their teachers, I still remember, once I was walking through the corridors and I happen to cross by one of my biology teachers and laughed out loud remembering the most unfunny joke she cracked to explain reflex action to us, for which I was taken to the vice principal later but that's what it is, mixed feelings are the best for me. And now, we hardly know our teachers through their display pictures, for most of them we don’t even have one.

To be honest, bunking classes were a different experience altogether and let’s agree we as students sometimes liked the scolds from teachers too just to gossip about it amongst friends later but thanks to the virtual world for taking it all from us with a jerk.

“The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you”, Although this quote was written long back but it makes sense to me now; you can learn at a click now and forever with the coming of the virtual world. This world has enabled people to switch to digital platforms and in such a manner that it can never be undone now!

Online classes are very convenient and allows space to follow other passions in life. It helps you grow personally because there’s no one on your head to get things done, you learn self-discipline. Furthermore, Online classes have made me save a lot on money and energy, it has reduced the cost of travelling, expenditure on food and other trends that aligns with a student’s college social life nowadays. Talking of the benefits, it has contributed a major part towards saving time and energy, it has helped me spend more time with my family, helps me stay energetic throughout the day and spend it to its fullest. Of course, on the other hand it has limited the time spent with friends but like I said, mixed feelings have it all for me.

More than anything else, online classes provides you with the freedom of learning in a comfortable environment. With the ability to learn anywhere, online learners can complete coursework at home, a coffee shop, or a library. If you ask me, I love to complete all my work at my terrace garden because I just love connecting with the nature. This advantage of online learning allows students to work in the environment that suits best to them. To add to it, online classes help you enhance your technical skills which are the utmost important in this 21^st century. New skills can include the ability to use new software suites, perform in-depth online research, and communicate online through different platforms effectively such as discussion boards, teleconferencing, email-in and many more. Not to forget, stepping into the virtual world has helped me learn how to write an email, yes that’s true. Despite belonging to the generation Z, I didn’t know how to write an email. The first time I had to write an email, was for this internship organisation I had to roll in and I got so blank, none of the formats learnt theoretically in school worked, thanks to google and YouTube for helping me walk through it ever since.

To conclude, Online classes have their pros and cons. It’s comforting and destructive at the same time. For me online classes were just experiential. Nothing more or less. At the end what matters is the experience, after all experience is what I was supposed to be be typing in here.

Everybody has their own preferences. What do you think?

Meeting link or entering late to the classroom?

Video conferencing or chilling in the corridors?

Homemade coffee or canteen’s tea?

Ms word or a notebook?

Typing or writing?

 

For I shall prefer a physical classroom over online classes ANYDAY